My Little Miracles

This morning I was thinking about what I could share with all of you to help you get to know me a little more. I started to think about my kids, and what I went through to have them. I know many of the people who may read my blog already know about it, but there may be people who come across my blog and don't know about it so I figured I'd share my story and maybe it will help someone know that they are not alone in their struggles.

My husband and I were married in May 1997. Tomorrow is actually our 11th anniversary! We found out in September 1997 that we were expecting a baby. This came as a total shock to us since we were not ready at all to have a baby yet since we hadn't been married very long. I had wondered how difficult it would be to get pregnant because my cycle was very weird (my cycles at the time ranged from 29 days to 144 days! Most of the time I easily went 2 - 3 months between periods), so it was sort of a relief to know that I could get pregnant! We were just starting to accept the fact that we were going to have a baby and were getting excited about it; but I experienced a miscarriage 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. It devastated my husband and I, especially because we had announced we were pregnant since we were excited and then people would come up to congratulate us and we had to tell them we had lost the baby. We decided to wait until our one year anniversary and then start trying to have a baby.

We celebrated our one year anniversary and began trying to have a baby. We had success immediately because just a few weeks later, we found out we were expecting! We didn't want to tell many people this time because we were both afraid of another miscarriage. A few weeks into the pregnancy, I started with the "morning sickness". For me, it was not just in the morning though. It was an all day event and I wound up needing to be hospitalized because I could not keep anything down and was vomiting constantly. UGH!! I was in the hospital for 2 weeks that first time. They put a PIC line in so I could be "fed" intravenously and was sent home. A few days later, I was experiencing redness and pain in my arm where the PIC line had been put in so they removed it for fear it was becoming infected. About a week later, I was back in the hospital for another week because the vomiting had returned. They didn't want to put another PIC line in so I was discharged once the vomiting stopped. I was able to go 2 weeks with little to no vomiting, but then it returned and I was admitted to the hospital for the third time and stayed another week. I was sick of being sick by this point and just wanted it to stop! I realized after I had that thought that I really wanted this baby and I didn't mean it like it sounded. Thankfully I knew God understood how I felt. I lost a lot of weight during the first 1/2 of my pregnancy, but thankfully the vomiting finally left and I was able to enjoy my pregnancy for awhile.

I was working full-time while I was pregnant, but we decided that it was my job to raise our child so I planned on quitting my job about a week or two before my due date and get ready to be a stay at home mom. I submitted my resignation at the beginning of January 1999. A few DAYS later, I got a call from my OBGYN's office telling me that I needed to come in as soon as possible and that I might be having the baby that night! It was 6 WEEKS before my due date so I was stunned and wondered what was going on. The receptionist told me I had a high level of protein in my urine which was a sign of preeclampsia, a dangerous condition for a pregnant woman and her unborn child! I called my husband and he came to pick me up because I was so upset that no one at work wanted me to make the one hour drive home by myself. We arrived at the doctor's office and they were surprised that my blood pressure was not sky high like it usually is when a woman has preeclampsia, but they admitted me to the hospital and decided to give me steroid shots to help the baby's lungs mature in the event that I needed to have the baby prematurely. They did an amnio. the next day to check the maturity of the baby's lungs and then we had to wait 24 hours to see what the results were. The doctor told me a few hours later that it really didn't matter what the results were in 24 hours because they had decided that it would be better for both the baby and for me if I had the baby now, but they would wait those 24 hours just to give the baby's lungs a little more time to mature. The results came back and I was relieved when I was told the baby's lungs were mature! They induced labor and just 3 hours later, our daughter was born weighing in at 5 lbs 8 oz!

My OBGYN was amazed that I delivered my first baby so quickly, but he knew that I deserved an easy delivery after all I went through during my pregnancy! All of the doctors and nurses in the hospital were amazed that our daughter was so healthy and such a good size for being 6 weeks early, but I knew all the praise and glory belonged to the Lord because He was in charge and He knew exactly what she needed. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that He allowed her to grow quickly in spite of how sick I was during the pregnancy. I knew she was truly a miracle baby! As I was holding our daughter after she was born, my husband looked at her and quietly said "She should have had a brother or sister." I knew immediately that he hadn't forgotten the first baby we had lost, and I loved him all the more for that. I was discharged after 2 days, but the doctors decided they wanted to keep an eye on her for at least one more day because she had jaundice. The hardest thing in the world for me to do was leave her in the hospital that one extra day! She was discharged the next day, although the doctor warned me she may have to be readmitted if the jaundice didn't clear up. We prayed about it and within a few days, our little baby girl had no sign of jaundice! Again, all the praise went to the Lord because we knew He had touched her!

Since I had such a rough time with that pregnancy, I was in no hurry to have another baby. Our daughter was almost 3 years old before I started to think about having another baby. We decided to start trying, but we had a much more difficult time conceiving. It would be 2 years and 2 miscarriages later before we had our second baby. Actually, I believe I had 2 miscarriages during that time even though only one of those was confirmed. I had a very weird cycle in April 2002 with cramping for a week before my period showed up and I had never had that happen before or since then, so I'm fairly certain I lost our second baby at that time. In January 2003, we found out we were expecting and we excitedly told everyone since we had been trying for 1 1/2 years at this point to have another baby; but we lost that baby just a week and a half later. Again, we were devastated and I just couldn't understand why God would finally allow us to get pregnant just to take that baby from us. I finally accepted it though because I knew God knows what is best for us and He always has a plan. I know now that I am able to relate to other women who struggle with infertility as well as miscarriages and I am able to help them during those difficult times because I've been through it myself.

About a week after the miscarriage, we were in the mall and I stopped at a table outside of a Hallmark store because they had discounted items on it...mostly Christmas items. I picked up an ornament that had a sleeping baby angel on it and just knew I had to have it. Through tears, I showed it to my husband and simply asked if we could buy it. I didn't need to tell him why. He quietly nodded yes. We both knew what that ornament represented. Every Christmas, that ornament is the first thing on our tree. I put it on myself and quietly remember our baby angels that are up in heaven waiting for us to meet them one day. I didn't think of it at the time, but it was rather appropriate that the baby angel in that ornament was a girl because I began to have a strong feeling that the last baby we lost was a girl. I actually think all the ones we lost were girls, but it is just a feeling I have and we have nothing to prove whether that is true or not. I know one day we'll know for sure. Anyway, I never thought of naming the first baby we lost. I was fairly young when I chose the name I wanted for my first daughter should I ever have one and there was not a doubt in my mind to use that name when our daughter was born. After that, I chose the name Hannah Faith for our next daughter. I think that is why when I felt so strongly after that last miscarriage that the baby we lost was a girl and her name was Hannah. I know one day I will meet her because she is waiting up in heaven for me!

A few months later, we became pregnant again and I knew this one was a keeper when I started throwing up a month or so later. Who would have thought I would be so happy to be so sick! LOL! I was admitted to the hospital for less than a week, but they put the PIC line in and sent me home. I was hesitant about having it because of how my body rejected it during my first pregnancy, but I didn't have a problem with it this time. The doctor decided to remove it after a month or so even though I really didn't think it was a good idea. I knew I had been sick well into my 2nd trimester the first time, but he thought I was going to be fine. Well, I guess I knew my body better than he did because a few weeks after he had the PIC line removed, I was throwing up again! The PIC line was put back in and this time I told my doctor that I would decide when it was to come out and he promptly agreed to allow me to tell them when I was ready for it to be removed. Once I said it could be taken out, it was removed and I went the rest of the pregnancy without any more vomiting. WOO HOO!

The doctor was monitoring me pretty closely through my pregnancy because I had to take baby aspirin due to a clotting disorder that he found in one of the blood tests they did at the start of my pregnancy and I had that history of preeclampsia with my first pregnancy. He said there was no way I'd make it full term because taking the baby aspirin every day increases the chance that the placenta could break down or something like that so he scheduled an induction 2 weeks before my due date. I stopped taking the baby aspirin a month before my due date because it thins the blood and that wouldn't have been a good thing to be happening when you give birth! A week after I stopped the baby aspirin and a week before my scheduled induction, I went in for what was suppose to be a routine doctor visit and non-stress test (which they had been making me do a few times a week for at least a month). I had been having contractions off and on so I wasn't surprised when the nurse asked me if I knew I was having contractions. What I wasn't expecting was the doctor telling me that the baby's heart rate was really low and she wanted to send me to the hospital to be monitored. Thankfully my husband was with me and we went over to the hospital in spite of having no bags or anything else with us.

I was monitored for an hour and the doctor decided to induce labor because I was having contractions, had started to dilate a little, and the baby's heart rate was still low. I just kept thinking "Lord, you can't take this baby! We tried for 2 years to have this little boy (we found out this time we were having a boy) and I just can't lose him now that he's about to be born!" I put it in the Lord's hands and tried my best to not worry anymore. Thankfully I wasn't in labor very long with this one either, although I experienced back labor this time and I would never wish that upon my worst enemy! OUCH!! For those of you who may be wondering, I didn't have an epidural with either one of my deliveries....even though my nurses both times thought I was nuts and kept asking if I wanted one. LOL! Our son was born in February 2004 and weighed 7 lbs 7 oz. We realized that he too was a miracle baby because when I delivered the placenta, the doctor discovered it had torn in two! If I had not had that doctor's visit, I would never have known that our baby boy was in trouble. He probably would have died before we knew there was a problem. I just praise the Lord for keeping our little boy safe!

I hope I didn't bore you all too much with this LONG post. It just kept flowing out of me once I started to type so I felt I was suppose to say it all. Hopefully this helps someone. I don't know what any of you who are reading this have gone through in the past, what you are currently going through, or what you will go through in the future. I do know this: God is ALWAYS with you! He will NEVER leave you or forsake you! You can trust in Him because He has a plan for you and He knows what is best, even when it doesn't seem like it. Don't ever give up on Him, because He never has and never will give up on you!