Wendy: sister, friend, angel

I've been thinking of writing about this shortly after I started my blog. I had the title in my head, but I just wasn't sure I could write it. After reading a post on another person's blog, I was inspired to go ahead and write about my sister. I hope this will help someone who reads this to see that God does not make mistakes. We may not understand why bad things happen, but God is faithful. He holds our hands through the difficult times and eventually helps us to see that good CAN come out of the bad things we may experience along life's road.

Wendy was a wonderful daughter, sister, friend, wife, and mother. She was only here on this earth for 28 years, but the memory of her didn't die with her. She made an impact on many people's lives. Wendy knew from the time she was little that she was going to be a pastor's wife. In 1988, that "dream" became a reality when she married a man who was studying to be a pastor. She also knew she wanted to have lots of kids. She struggled with infertility, but the Lord knew her desire to be a mother and blessed her with children. She also dealt with the pain of losing 3 baby girls, but she never lost her faith in God. She was in the hospital after giving birth to triplets and due to a "mistake", she was given the wrong medicine and wound up having a severe allergic reaction. She died while her husband watched helplessly as the doctors tried to save her.

The day she died was a Sunday. I had gone to the altar that morning to pray for the babies since they were born prematurely and were fighting for their lives. I called Wendy when I got home to let her know what I had done, but she wasn't feeling real well so she said she'd call me later. I told her I'd be at mom and dad's house and to call me there. When the phone rang in the afternoon, I told mom that was Wendy calling to talk to me. It wasn't Wendy. It was Joe, calling to tell us that Wendy had died. I'll never forget that day. I knew from my mom's frantic voice what had happened, but I didn't want to believe it. Then I heard her scream and I knew my fears were real. It was unfathomable to think that God would have let something like this happen. She was a mom, with three small children at home and three babies in the hospital. This couldn't be happening! Yet it was.

In November, it will be 14 years ago that my sister died, and yet I can still remember that awful day like it was yesterday. I wish I could forget it, but I know I never will. I know there are stages of grief, yet somehow I seemed to get to the acceptance stage very quickly. Somehow, in spite of the grief I felt over the unexpected loss of my sister, I just knew that God had a plan and He was in control. A few hours after Wendy died, one of the babies died. The next day, another past away. One baby...a boy...survived. I knew it would have been devastating for my sister to lose more children, so I found comfort in knowing that God had called her home before the babies. I could almost imagine her rejoicing in heaven when she was reunited with her three girls who had died 3 years before; and then rejoicing again when she saw two more of her children.

I guess it was because my sister loved children so much that I figured God must have called her home to heaven because He needed help with all the children up in heaven. Somehow that thought stuck with me. As a result of going through the loss of my sister, I have been able to sympathize with and comfort others who were struggling with the loss of a loved one. I was also able to give a little bit of comfort to a few women who experience the loss of a child because I would tell them about my sister and let them know I truly believed she was taking care of their child until God called them home. I myself have been through 3 miscarriages and found comfort in the thought that Wendy was holding them and taking care of them until I am able to hold them myself one day up in heaven.

One night a few months after Wendy died, I had a dream about her. I vividly remember driving my car into my parents' driveway. I saw Wendy standing on their porch. I knew she was dead so I was wondering why she there. I got out of the car and she came over to me and hugged me. When she released me, I asked her "Why didn't I feel that?". She smiled and said, "It's ok. I forgive you." She hugged me again....and I FELT it! I woke up immediately and just started to cry because I could still remember the dream, and her embrace. I didn't realize until that moment how much I had been beating myself up over not going down to visit her sooner. She lived in Maryland and I lived in Pennsylvania. She kept asking me to come down for a visit and I kept putting it off because I was in college and it was such a long drive. I finally had told her that I would come down in March because I had a two week break between internships (it was my last semester of school). She teased me "Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it!". She died three and a half months before my visit. I did go down for those two weeks because I wanted to keep my promise, and I knew her husband could use my help with the kids. When I awoke from that dream, I just knew God had allowed Wendy to visit me in a dream to let me know she had forgiven me for not visiting her sooner. Most of the time, I wake up and have no knowledge of any dream I might have had while I was asleep. If I do remember that I had a dream, I don't remember it for very long and the details usually aren't very clear. Fourteen years later and I can still remember that dream just as vividly today as I did that night! Since I can still remember that dream fourteen YEARS later, I know it was no ordinary dream!

Wendy's oldest two children graduated from high school last year and I couldn't help but think of how proud their mom would have been of them. I made sure to tell them that too. I'm sure they appreciated the reminder, even though I'm sure they already knew that. I know she would be so proud of the wonderful people all four of her children are becoming. I know I just have to smile when I look at her children. They all have such a beautiful Christian spirit and I just know their mom, the angel, is looking down from heaven and smiling.

Yes, Wendy wasn't here very long, but the things she did while on this earth still live on. When she was in high school, she decided she wanted to start a group where Christian kids could get together after school to have a Bible study, pray, and just fellowship with one another. She was well aware that being a Christian in a public high school was not easy and this would be a way for fellow Christians to get together and offer support to each other. The administration of the high school practically made her jump through hoops, but she never gave up and they eventually agreed that she could start the group. The first meeting of Kids For Christ only had about 5 kids attended that meeting. My sister and I were 2 of them. One was a teacher because the administration insisted that it had to be "monitored" by a member of the faculty. Wendy found a teacher who she knew was a Christian because she knew asking just anyone could lead to trouble if they didn't like these kids praying together. Today it is about 25 years later, but that Kids For Christ group is still running strong in our high school! The last I heard, the group consistently has an attendance well into the double digits. I'm sure the kids who attend now don't know that it was Wendy who fought so hard for that group to be started, but what an awesome testimony to the fact that one person CAN make a difference! I'm sure she would never have imagined that the group she started would continue to last and grow and make an impact on so many young lives in that high school.

I know God put my sister on this earth for a reason. She did what she was suppose to do, and then God called her home. I don't know why he took her so early. I can think of so many other things she could have done and accomplished while she was on the earth, but I know God knows the reasons why and I know His will is best. A song by Steven Curtis Chapman keeps running through my mind. The words to the chorus are:

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone
He'll carry us when we can't carry on
Raised in his power the weak become strong
His strength is perfect
His strength is perfect.

I know that is how I got through those difficult days and weeks that followed the death of my sister. God gave me the strength to keep believing in spite of the hurt. Someone I worked with, who was not a Christian, gave me what I still consider to be a huge compliment. He asked me how I was doing and then said "I knew you'd be ok because you have an incredible amount of faith." I am not one who boasts of being a Christian. I usually do my best to live my life in a way that shows people what Christianity is all about. It was comforting to me knowing that this man did see the difference in me, and he knew exactly what was going to get me through the most difficult time in my life. God will NEVER leave you or abandon you and I KNOW He will be there for you no matter what comes your way!

I miss you Wendy! I love you! I know one day we'll see each other again, and I can hardly wait!